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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has long been the comfort zone for daily publications, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from the vacant Barnsley ground post-napping in the lavatory during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the Italian striker visited a nearby college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with a Manchester newspaper. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday represents 25 years from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Just a single choice remained. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Aftermath

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers are no longer present, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Today's Statement

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, top sportspeople, examples, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he expected would overpower him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|